smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
