Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
