Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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