I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Boobs speak an international language.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
