we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I want is dick and wine.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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