If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
