You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When did angry sex become our thing?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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