We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
