I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
