just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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