i think my mom watched the whole time
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
