I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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