I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Green mimosas i think yes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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