I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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