Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
