i may or may not be watching the land before time
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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