She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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