What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm determined to sit on that face.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize