is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
