kristin has been a bad kristin
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
