I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
