My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
