I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
