I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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