you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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