So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
