Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
