3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
