I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
