My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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