My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
