hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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