Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
