ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
