Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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