I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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