what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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