i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
