Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
