If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
