of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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