i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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