Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
