You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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