I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
did you just send me my own nude
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
