Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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