even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
