he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
