I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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