what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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