her vagine was all disorganized.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
