The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
