Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
