I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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