Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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