in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
