Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
