also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
