Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
