tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
