i just wanna soil my oats bro
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
