she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
