My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
