Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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