how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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