It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
