I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
