The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
