Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
