Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
