Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
