Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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