Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Someone shattered a urinal.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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