tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
