Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
